So much has happened in the last month and a half and I haven't written anything! I'm soo bad, then a started another blog to make it easier than signing into my old email address every single time but then I realized that I really need to just stick with this one. I can't keep up with one-why am I even considering two?!?!
So here was my one blog entry to Ava...and a couple recent pictures :)
Dear Precious Little Ava,
A couple weeks ago we moved into our new house and so far you love it! (At least I think you do) I set up your jumperoo and although you seemed a bit confused at first, you're now hopping and playing away! It's really cute because you're still a little small for it-it's supposed to be for 6 months and you're only 5-anyways, you use your big toe on your left foot to help bounce you since it's the only thing that can touch the ground! You now have your own room too-it is full of a cute ladybug theme because you're my little bug. Lately I can't help calling you Buggy-I think it comes from my parents always calling me Bug.
You get more beautiful with everyday. Your face has really rounded out and your getting so big!!! We went to see Caitlin's niece Anna who is 4 weeks old and you looked like a total kid next to her-it scared me a little bit because it's flown by so quickly. You were an adorable newborn but it was hard because you didn't smile and talk and giggle like you do now-now you're really my buddy! I just love the sound of your voice and all the talking you've been doing lately. It's the cutest little coos...at the most appropriate times! Just this week you started talking to strangers a little bit-like the receptionist at the doctors office yesterday-it was so precious to watch you have your own little conversation with her.
You're also a great little sleeper-more so in the new house. Every night we have a routine...we feed you dinner (so far you like carrots, sweet potato, butternut squash, bananas, and apples-I'm starting to make everything homemade) then you get a bath then we give you a bottle and put you to sleep. Your Daddy wakes up and goes to work around 530 and then you wake up at 6 and I bring you into bed with me to cuddle...we end up sleeping til like 8 which is amazing!!
Blowing raspberries on your tummy and your thighs is what makes you giggle most. If I just smile your way you whole face lights up which is priceless. I was looking at our hands today-yours is about half the length of mine now....with your long pretty fingers :) I just love everything about you baby, I'll write again soon.
Mommy
So anyways, the new house is awesome!! I thought I would be running home to the valley everyday but just the other day I was driving down and as soon as I got to Kanan I realized I really just wanted to be HOME! We have the most amazing Target here-I don't know why I'm even writing that-but it's just that awesome!
Today was a really long day for buggy, we went to mygym class than went and saw Babies with Elissa and Landon. I LOVED the movie! I couldn't believe the way animals were just all over the babies the whole movie and how interesting other cultures are. One baby was born then right away they swaddles him up and put him on a motorcycle with his mom, dad, and sister---THE WHOLE FAMILY ON A DINKY LITTLE MOTORCYCLE! The movie just made me realize how much we really do spoil our kids here, which is really fine by me but it's also good to keep in mind that a lot of this stuff is sooo unnecessary. Especially that stupid $20 dog toy "sophie" that I just had to buy! But it was such a cute little giraffe :)
I don't know how much of this I put into the letter but Ava is now sitting while supported, she's eating from her highchair, I make all her food. She still isn't rolling from back to stomach but is rolling stomach to back both ways. I think since I never put her on her back it might take her some extra time but we'll see. We went to the zoo 2 weekends ago-pointless for a 5 month old but Davis enjoyed it. Santa Barbara zoo is beautiful!!!
John is going to Indy this weekend so I'm really sad he's leaving but really happy I get to spend time with Caitlin and go see Sex in the City and go to Elissa's for a Memorial Day BBQ. She's heating the pool up so we can take the babies in :)
On the torticollis issue: I hate to bring this up because it makes me sad and I feel like it already takes over a lot of time spent with my daughter. Just writing about it now has brought tears to my eyes...anyways, I feel like I have to write so that I remember well enough to help others in my situation in the future. I've looked all over the internet for something real about the condition and I've found is medical bullshit-nobody tells you about the voice inside your head yelling at you to turn your babies head or how you should probably put them on there tummy to bed sooner then later. Anyways, today I met another mom who told me her son has torticollis. She's in our mygym class and her son is Rocco. Rocco has many problems she began to tell me about like his lungs not developing properly but she said torticollis is also on the list...he doesn't qualify for a helmet because his head is already so big and they think it's done growing for the most part. Anyways, this is the 4th baby including Ava that I know has been diagnosed. What I hate to hear most is that a lot of the times the doctors miss it at the beginning. In a way I consider myself lucky that Ava's was severe enough that we caught it early.
Anyways, the craniofacial specialist had to cancel our appointment today and rescheduled it for two weeks. After talking to Roccos mom she said it would be best to go straight to Cranial Technology first instead of wasting time with Dr Graham. I've already been waiting over a month so another two weeks really does seem like eternity anyways. I read on the internet that Cranial Tech is only in California so I consider myself very lucky to be close by. I'm really upset because the PT said last time that she's not getting much better so I've been working with her a lot at home on the strengthening exercises but I haven't gone back because A It's a long drive and B I really don't like people telling me that my daughter isn't getting better. I feel like all day everyday I tell myself LEFT, LEFT LEFT-Lisa, she has to look to her left!!! I have even caught myself yelling at John to do the same-it's a horrible way to be, not a fun way to live having a voice in my head yelling LEFT at me ALL DAY LONG. I also get really sad when I look at Ava's reflection. The assymetry to her face is a lot more obvious when I look at her in the mirror-again this brings tears on. The good thing is that all I see is her perfect little face when I look at her...It's the reflection that gets me. Anyways, last night I had another panic attack about the whole thing-thinking, what if she doesn't get better? I already want to look into getting her ear pinned back and the helmet but John tells me I'm just being impatient and that it's a process-that it's not going to happen overnight. Inside I do know that but I feel like it's been many nights with no improvement. I feel guilty too for not going to PT which is probably making things even worse for me. It just seems like now that she's been sleeping on her tummy for a month, now that I got the boppy nest pillow for her carseat, now that I'm doing the exercises ALL the time, I would hope to notice some improvement myself. But then there it is, her reflection, and it just makes me sooo sad. The feeling of helplessness when it comes to your child is the WORST feeling in the world. I've seriously never felt so sick to my stomach. So that's my update for now, it's not a very happy note to end on but it's the way things are right now.
